I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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