So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
