he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
