I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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