wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm passing your future prison.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
