He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
