D3 body, D1 cock
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
