I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
