He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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