No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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