Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
