Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
