I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she smelled like a LAN party
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
