I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
