No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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