The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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