You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
