His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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