she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
