Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
