Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
