Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize