I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
