I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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