Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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