between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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