The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
