we're blogging at a bar
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
