david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
