#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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