Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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