u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize