Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
