I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
