I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have fence marks all over my body
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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