this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
