I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
