listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
