I think my vagina is haunted
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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