just come out here and I will go home with you...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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