i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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