All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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