I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
