New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
