Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
this hospital has no fireball
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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