i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
