I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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