Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
