the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
