He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
