I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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