Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
