I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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