It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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