I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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