How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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