Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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