I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
did i just pee glitter
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
