CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
