Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
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Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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