can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
