you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize