worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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