Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
