'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
