If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
